I Choose You
by GrandiloquentHeartlessness
Summary: "How close did you come? To choosing him?" One-shot. 4x03.


**A/N:** I'm not too sure what this is, to be honest. Sometimes I get conversations in my head and I can't get rid of them, so I write them down. This is set at the tail end of 4x03 ("Changes"), which is the episode with the pajama party and Jamie almost falling off of Jude's roof. The last line of that episode is Jude saying "I'll never regret choosing you, Tommy Q" and while I believe that's true, it doesn't mean that the choice was simple. Tommy knows it, Jude knows it. That's where this conversation comes from. Title is from the Sara Bareilles song, which I adore.

* * *

Even before the take finishes, Jude knows she still isn't nailing it. She can tell that she's low on energy, that the feel is off, but she can't seem to fix it. When the song ends, Tommy's voice comes through her headphones. "You can do better than that, girl."

She nods. "I know. Do you want to go again?"

"We can, if you want, if you think you can get it this time, but this is take six and it's not getting better. Might be better to take a break."

She hesitates, always hating to admit defeat, but then she sighs and nods, taking off her headphones and coming around to his side of the glass. Tommy gives her a concerned, questioning look as he hands her a water, but she just murmurs, "Thanks," and goes back to sit on the couch. He sits down next to her.

After a minute, he bumps her shoulder gently with his and says, "Hey, what's going on?" She just shrugs, not looking at him. He sighs, and guesses, "Jamie?"

She looks over at him. "He just… Tommy, he's been my best friend for 14 years, and now…" she trails off, shaking her head.

He puts an arm around her and pulls her to him, kissing the top of her head. "I know. I'm sorry."

She leans against him for a moment before looking up at him and saying, "Can I ask you a question you're going to hate?"

He pulls back and raises an eyebrow. "Uh… I guess?"

"I know you said you don't have any advice about Jamie, but–"

He gives an exasperated sigh, and pulls away. "Jude, I don't know, okay? Being a guy does not mean I know what goes on in Andrews' head."

"I know, but I just want to know… what if… it was you?"

Tommy frowns, confused, then his eyebrows shoot up when he figures out what she means. "You're asking me what I would have done if you'd chosen him instead of me?" He's so surprised she's asked the question that he doesn't even really get upset. "Jude…"

"I told you you were going to hate it," she sighs.

He shakes his head, not planning to answer, but she's giving him a pleading look, and he can't say no to her big blue eyes, looking so sad, so he sighs heavily, rubbing a hand across his jaw. "Fine, okay." He sighs again. "When you told me you needed to think about it, I knew that was a possibility." The memory of that uncertainty, the fear that he'd lose her, floods him all over again and his chest tightens. "My plan was to go to Thailand, with or without you, and if it was without, then, well," he shrugs, "I wasn't planning to come back for a while. But that's before I knew I'd be bound to a G Major contract. The way it actually would've gone down, we'd probably be working together. I don't know if I'd have come back on your album, but maybe." Tommy's chest aches, imagining seeing her every day and knowing she'd chosen someone else. He's never had more sympathy for Jamie Andrews than he does right then. "Would I have tried to kiss you and then almost fallen off your roof? No." He looks over and raises his eyebrows. "But would we be friends right now? Would we be hanging out?" A tear has trickled from one of her eyes, and he reaches out and brushes it away gently with his thumb, shaking his head. "No. Absolutely not. And at something like that party? Seeing you and him together? That would…" he trails off, looking down at his hands in his lap. "Jude, that would hurt too much, okay? I'm not saying I know how he feels, because I have no idea. But if it were me, I couldn't do it either." He looks back at her. "Does that answer your question?"

Jude nods, and Tommy puts his arm around her again. She leans into his shoulder, and he says, "It's gonna be okay, Jude."

"I know," she says quietly. "It just sucks."

He kisses the top of her head, and they sit like that for a moment before Tommy asks, "Can I ask you a question you're going to hate?"

Jude pulls back and looks at him. "Uh-oh."

He reaches out to brush the last of the tears from her cheeks, then asks, "How close did you come? To choosing him?"

Jude shakes her head. "Tommy, you can't ask me that."

"I know," he says solemnly. "But I'm asking."

"I love you," she says adamantly.

"I know." He smiles, but it fades quickly. "But if it were that simple you wouldn't have needed time to think." She looks hurt, and he hastens to clarify. "I'm not mad. I'm not upset about it, and I wasn't then. I didn't want you to rush into this if you weren't sure, but the reason you were unsure, it was because of him, yeah?"

"I am sure," she protests, but she also knows that's not what he's asking, so she looks down at her hands and says, "Fine, it was partly because of him."

"That's okay," he reassures her. "I understand."

She looks back up at him. "I hesitated because I was scared. After everything on my birthday…" She looks away again, mumbling. "Jamie is my best friend, and I knew he wouldn't hurt me." He deserves that, he knows, but it sends a spike of pain through him anyway. Jude hears his sharp intake of breath and looks back up at him. "You said it yourself, Tommy. 'If you wanted simple…'"

"Yeah." He winces, looking down. "I get it."

"But I don't," she insists. "I don't want simple, I don't want easy, or safe or… I just want you. No matter what." Tommy looks back up at her, his expression softening as she continues. "When it came down to it there was no choice, okay? It was always going to be you, Tommy. It will always be you." He's flooded with warmth at her words, reaching out to put a hand on the side of her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Her face breaks into a wide smile. "There's my look."

He kisses her softly, the feel of her lips washing the lingering doubts away again. He breaks the kiss and murmurs, "I love you."

She smiles against his lips, her fingers stroking the hair at his temples. "I choose you. Always."

* * *

 **A/N:** This is not exactly the most interesting thing I've ever written, but I _could not_ get it out of my head. I needed to write it down so I could stop writing it out loud to myself in the shower, and then it turned out pretty sweet, so I decided to share it. I'm a sucker for that Jommy fluff, you know.

(You know what else I'm a sucker for? Reviews. Please do let me know what you think!)


End file.
